Funeral of a Plant
by Riya3
Summary: Naruto and Kakashi hold Mr Ukki's funeral. KakaNaru. Tragedic humour. Pakkun-bashing. All-encompassing philosophy on the meaning of a plant. And, of course, unapologetic fluff.


**Funeral of a Plant – **_**Naruto and Kakashi hold Mr Ukki's funeral. KakaNaru. Tragedic humour. Pakkun-bashing. All-encompassing philosophy on the meaning of a plant. And, of course, unapologetic fluff.**_

_**Can be seen as an after-story to 'Fifteen Million Ryo'.**_

* * *

"Mr Ukki was a good plant," Naruto said quietly, holding a wrap of three Carnations in slightly trembling hands. "She lived a long, long life."

"Yes, yes she did – what … are you doing?" Kakashi asked.

It was early in the morning, before even Gai-sensei came out to exercise. They stood in the edge of training ground seven, near the border of trees on the outskirts of the sparring areas. Before them stood a tree, and below it, on the ground, was a small pile of dirt. Underneath the pile was a rather pitiful collection of torn leaves and roots.

"Pakkun is really sorry for what he did to you," Naruto went on, eyes fixed on the raised pile of dirt. "He really didn't mean to eat you. He just mistook you for lettuce. You can blame Kakashi-sensei for letting his stupid dogs go hungry."

Kakashi looked slightly lost. "Maa, they get enough to eat where they come from. I don't need to feed them. Is this really why you dragged me out of bed at four in the morning? How am I supposed to be late now?"

"You'll figure it out, sensei," Naruto told him dryly. He turned back to the grave of the houseplant. "Me and Sakura-chan and Sasuke went to buy you almost six years ago. We didn't know what to get sensei for the anniversary of passing us, because with this idiot it was a pretty big deal, you know?" He paused. "I mean, even Ino and Shikamaru and Chouji took Asuma-sensei out for dinner. We actually considered that, but we weren't nearly as rich as they were…"

"I wasn't eating any food bought by twelve-year-olds," Kakashi deadpanned. "You were all just trying to see under my mask."

"Yeah, well, it worked in the end," Naruto said. "Anyway, I spent all my money on pranking material and Sakura used up her allowance buying hair ribbons, so we were looking for something cheap-"

"Thank you, Naruto. Thoughtful of you."

"-So we saw you sitting in the gardening-store. And we made Sasuke pay for you and promised we would pay him back but we never did." He paused. "That's ok because the teme's rich as hell," he added in afterthought.

"I'm sure Sasuke had other things to do-"

"And you weren't the prettiest gift. Or the most useful. Or the most suitable. In fact, it was pretty lame of us."

"Not that I expected anything from a group of penniless genin either way …"

"But one day when Sakura-chan went to get him for a mission, she came back and told us that you were alive and you had lots more leaves and sensei kept you in his window-box." Naruto said. "And that's what told us that he didn't think we were a bunch of useless kids after all". With the air of someone recently orphaned, he reached down and gently placed the red flowers over the pile of dirt.

Kakashi watched him as he straightened. "I never thought any of you useless. I though you were rather interesting young adults, actually."

"I know," the yellow-haired jonin replied. "But that suited the mood better. Do you want to say some words?"

"I'm … I'm still getting over the fact that we're having a funeral for a plant," Kakashi admitted.

"We're not," Naruto replied plainly. "We're having a funeral for Mr Ukki."

Kakashi, with his universal levels of patience, sighed a worldly sigh. "So you're … not having a funeral for a plant." He tried.

"Of course not, that's just silly," his former student wrinkled his nose.

"And yet those are the remains of a plant."

Naruto paused. "Oh, you're confused, sensei. We're having a funeral because Mr Ukki was special. Not because she was a plant. There's a difference."

There was silence as the other jonin took some time to contemplate that puzzling idea. Finally, he shook his head, giving up. Naruto was weird like that. He liked that Naruto was weird, and he couldn't exactly complain when it occasionally backfired and drove his brain to tangles.

"Well, if you can't think of anything, then I'll say some more," Naruto looked back down to the small grave. "Mr Ukki, thanks for being a representation of what Team Seven once was."

"Maa … I think that's taking it a little too far …"

"And thanks for being there for us, and allowing us to know that despite him always reading those ecchi books and ignoring our existence, sensei always remembered to water you and that showed that he cared about us."

"That's … that's actually quite touching, Naruto."

"-and most importantly, thanks for being our excuse to sleep together." Naruto said solemnly.

The true tragedy, of course, was in the fact that he would no longer be able 'visit Mr Ukki' at Kakashi's apartment. That had been a good excuse, while it lasted.

Kakashi ran an absentminded hand though his hair. "Well, you ruined that mood you were after …"

He shrugged. "Mr Ukki already knows how much I care about her. She doesn't need me to tell her all over again. And anyway, we don't have much more time before everyone starts to wake up."

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. "Maa … that's true. Gai will be here soon, and we should leave before he forces us to participate in his morning routine."

And so the two of them shot one last, lingering look at the grave of their plant. The broken leaves beyond that layer of dirt was just like any other green life come to its natural end, but the thought it had represented stayed with them. Kakashi waited until Naruto had finished carefully rearranging the flowers, and his uncovered eye watched his lover's movements with an absent fondness. When he was done, they left the training grounds, walking leisurely through the summer morning.

"Oi, wait!" Naruto said, stopping before him when he made to turn towards his apartment. "You're going the wrong way. The stores are that way." He pointed.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, "why are we going there? If you need someone to carry bags, take Sasuke with you. He needs some more human-interaction."

"We're going to buy a new plant, of course," Naruto said matter-of-factly. Because he was an idealist. Because looking to the future was always better than straying towards the past. Because he was Naruto. "I mean, I still need an excuse, right? Come on, sensei," he dragged Kakashi's arm as he walked out of the training grounds. "Think of some good names for a new plant while we get there. You're a lot better at this naming thing than I am. I mean, 'Mr Ukki'? That's just genius."

Kakashi sighed.

* * *

***hides* I love Pakkun, I swear!**

**To those of you who haven't read Fifteen Million Ryo, Mr Ukki is a girl-plant. The 'Mr' is part of her name, it's not a title. Yes, I am serious.**


End file.
